From Hiding to Healing

If you could give one piece of advice to readers, what would it be? 

“For years, I thought I had to disappear to be enough. But healing came when I stopped punishing my body and started listening to it, when I stepped out of the dark and into a place where I could finally feel strong, not ashamed.” — Ryan Lipsett

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Gaining a few pounds never seems like a big deal—until you see a number on a scale. Suddenly, that number becomes everything. In early middle school, I struggled with the natural weight gain that came with puberty. As a young male, I didn’t understand that what was happening to my body was normal. Instead, I saw myself as someone who needed to hide—imperfect, unworthy, and undeserving of being seen.

In seventh grade, these thoughts consumed me. I turned down party invitations, stopped hanging out with friends, and avoided any situation where I might be seen. That isolation became the start of my depression. I lost interest in everything I used to love. I stopped playing basketball. I spent most of my time alone in my room, not wanting to exist in the body I had.

As I entered high school, I made a decision to “change”—not in a healthy way, but through restriction and secrecy. I began starving myself and working out alone in my room late at night, covering my mouth so no one would hear me. The less I weighed, the worse I looked—but strangely, the better I felt. That obsession with control gave me a false sense of power.

Recovery wasn’t one moment—it was a process. What helped me begin healing was shifting my relationship with exercise and food. Now, I go to the gym—not to punish my body, but to care for it. I eat without shame. I no longer starve myself or hide away. I understand now that eating isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s a part of living.

I still have days where I don’t like what I see in the mirror. But the difference is, I have tools. I have a place—the gym—where I can work toward my goals in a way that honors me, not harms me. And I no longer believe the lie that I have to be hidden from the world.